Streets of HELL!!!!

Columbia, MD residents are tired of living with Satan.

This is just hilarious.

The U-shaped street in Columbia was supposed to be named Satin Wood Drive, based on an obscure poem by a whimsical poet. But the devil, it turns out, was in the details.

About 30 years ago, somewhere between the developer's plans and the county's official map, a misplaced letter doomed the residents of Satan Wood Drive.

"You almost feel ostracized, like you're the black sheep of the village," said Jamie Aycock, 31, an electrical engineer who lives on the block in Hickory Ridge Village. "Sometimes they look at me like I'm a devil worshipper."

I lived in Columbia for about three years, and worked at the Columbia Borders. Columbia is one of the country's older planned communities, started in the 50s, and it still bears the scars. While it isn't as purely white as it would like to be, it tries to forget those discolorations (with the possible exception of the wealthy Asians.) It's the creepiest, most artificial place I've ever lived -- and I grew up in Miami, FL.

Residents have adopted a variety of coping mechanisms. A priest who lives on the street sprinkles holy water around his house each year. Another man obscures the name by giving it a French pronunciation. Others simply call it S Street.

But patience has run thin, and the residents of Satan Wood Drive are petitioning Howard County for a name change. They have collected signatures and begun to raise money, hopeful their days as the butt of demonic jokes are coming to an end.

Their biggest obstacle has been getting people to take the problem seriously: At a recent town budget hearing, as the residents made their case, the meeting erupted in guffaws. "They wouldn't think it was so funny if they had to live on the street," muttered Barbara Chapman, who has lived there four years.

You are so wrong, muttering Ms. Chapman. Because, you see, I am not a prisoner of medieval superstition, and I am not so wrapped up in What Other People Think that I am concerned that others might not be able to handle the diabolic power of a street sign. Booga booga.

In fact, I'd have the best Halloween decorations. Ever.